Hey all. I’ve been working incredibly hard to polish up my “It’s Always Sunny” Spec Script titled “The Gang Attempts to Bang.” Here is a preview of the Cold Open below and if you like please check out the entire script here TheGangAttemptsToBang. I would great appreciate all constructive comments good or bad. Thank you!
COLD OPEN
TITLE: 1:00 P.M.
TITLE: On a Saturday
TITLE: Philadelphia, PA
OVER TITLES WE HEAR
CHARLIE (V.O.)
How bout’ if I paint my penis black? You think that will make it look any bigger?
MAC (V.O.)
I think it could add the illusion of a little extra girth.
FADE IN:
EXT. STREETS OF PHILADELPHIA
Mac and Charlie walk towards Paddy’s Pub looking especially disheveled even by their low standards.
CHARLIE
It’s just that my penis isn’t living up to its full potential.
MAC
Dude, that’s because your penis reached it’s full potential at birth. You got to face the fact that you have a baby-dick.
CHARLIE
Oh, c’mon. I don’t have a baby dick.
MAC
We all know you have a micro-dick It’s no big …
Mac and Charlie stop walking as they notice something in the distance.
CHARLIE
What the hell is this?
Mac and Charlie begin to run up to Paddy’s Pub where they see three teenage THUGS spray painting the wall outside the bar.
MAC
Are those kids spray painting our bar?
They run over to the Thugs.
MAC (CONT’D)
Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?
THUG 1
What does it look like we’re doing?
CHARLIE
It looks like you are spray painting enormous male genitalia all over our bar.
MAC
(inspects the wall)
Yep, they’re dicks alright.
Thug 2 grabs Mac and pushes him against the wall.
THUG 2
Why don’t you and your raggedy-ass friend mind your business.
Charlie looks up and down the spray painted wall.
CHARLIE
Oh c’mon! A little originality wouldn’t hurt. Can’t you at least draw a rainbow around some of this penis art? It looks ridiculous.
The Thugs crowd around Charlie and menacingly stare at him. Mac grabs Charlie and leads him inside the bar.
MAC
This isn’t over!
INT. PADDY’S PUB – DAY
Dennis, head tilted back, is holding a baggie of ice on a fresh shiner. Dee works behind the bar.
MAC
What the hell happened to you?
DENNIS
They jumped me.
MAC
The penis painters?
Dennis nods his head.
MAC (CONT’D)
I’ve had it with these assholes! It’s the third time this month they vandalized this place.
CHARLIE
Yea, I’m sick and tired of trying to turn those spray painted dicks into happy faces.
DEE
Well I’m sick of having to look at the penis-nosed happy faces every time I walk into this dump.
DENNIS
You know, maybe we should start a gang of our own and show those street tuffs who really runs this block.
MAC
I’ve always wanted to gangbang.
DEE
Me too. I just never imagined my first gangbang would be with two losers and my brother.
MAC
Well, this is our chance to bang, and bang hard.
CHARLIE
Hmmm … our own gang.
MAC
Yes, our own gang.
DENNIS
It’s settled. We’re banging.
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
TITLE: IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
TITLE: THE GANG ATTEMPTS TO BANG
Hi Stewart,
I’m a commercial director (comedy) in LA. Came across your site, doing research for a spec pilot I’m writing. It’s for fun only as I am very happy as a Director. As far as my writing credits… not much, beyond a bunch of commercials you may have seen. I did get a couple specs in the palooza semis back in ’04. I am writing you now because I have two writer friends in the biz here, one is a creator and showrunner, another is repped and has a real agent. Here’s two pieces of advice, these monkeys have told me which I thought I’d pass along in case they might help. It’s heresay so, of course, do your own research but these people are indeed, paid writers with credits so, personally, I believe them. Btw we’re all 40+ yrs old. Respect yo ; )
1. If you want to break in and get a staff job, people (managers & agents) want to see an original pilot. The bummer is that this sample will have a .00002% chance of ever selling to a network (they almost never buy from an unproven entity) but if your goal is to get a staff ggig, it’s become a must have. This ain’t easy. It’s a LOT harder than writing an existing show. I’m currently on outline 5 after shredding a 41 page draft but ahem that’s probably why I’m a director.
2. Don’t pick the best show on tv for your specs because your show won’t be as good as the real dealios. I hate to think that anyone should write a Reba. Plus, you would think that your tone/voice will match certain shows better so why not choose them but I don’t know. As a side note I will mention that the Arrested I wrote with one of the above writers helped get them break in (agent at UTA) but is now useless and they can’t use it so there’s a shelf life involved on these things. But I don’t fully understand that and haven’t asked so whatever with that.
Anyway, keep up the writing and good luck. Anyone who can write a complete show as you have done, stay on theme AND make it funny deserves major props.
Well done. Keep up the stuffin’.
peace and good luck
Michael
That’s good advice, Michael. I’m planning to move to LA soon and I’ve been shopping around my specs, seeking representation. (I have some orginals too) Do you think I could get a recommendation based on this spec? If you get a chance, I’d love to know what you think. Thanks in advance.
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3-kkJqvzZmcZDJjMzU2ZDQtNjc4Ni00ZWYyLWFhYmQtNDZmOTIzMjgyMDhj&hl=en_US
cjob3@hotmail.com
And obviously, if anyone else wants to read it, feel free.
Can’t tell if my post posted. Just in case:
“The Gang catches Predators”
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3-kkJqvzZmcZDJjMzU2ZDQtNjc4Ni00ZWYyLWFhYmQtNDZmOTIzMjgyMDhj&hl=en_US
The script was pretty good. Here’s my take:
The first lemonade joke was gold. As a running joke, I felt some opps were left on the floor. Your end at the Mom’s house where they sing was hilarious. Loved that scene. Also liked the length. Easy. Short.
My only worry is that it’s basically one storyline only. Now, this could be just the show’s format (don’t watch it really) but if you added more- basically complicate it up a little bit – it’d be more impressive as a writing sample. Gotta show that you can keep more than one ball in the air.
As far as representation, I am not an agent or a manager but if your original stuff is strong, you’ll have a much easier time. I;’m a broken record here but I checked with another guy I know since posting above and he confirmed: It’s all about orig stuff. He also added that networks are actually buying stuff from nobodys more than they used. Which is nice.
Good luck. Keep writing.
m
Thanks for the read, Michael.I just added the second episode (I haven’t finished the pilot) of my original script called “Rockville.” If you or your friends happen to know anyone in the biz who might be willing to look at some unsolicated material from a nobody like myself, please let me know, I’m just trying to get a foot in the door.
If you’re interested, I also added another Sunny spec called “Frank gets hit by a Bus” (aka “The Sunny Apprentice.”) It’s alot more complicated than Predators. (Frankly, it was a pain in the ass to write.) It’s probably a lot more offensive too. Thanks again for the feedback! -Colin
https://docs.google.com/?tab=Xo&authuser=0#home
Apparently, that link didn’t work. This one should:
“Frank gets hit by a bus” or “The Sunny Apprentice”
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3-kkJqvzZmcMTk5MmVmZjItMjFhMC00ODkxLTg5MDMtNGJjNzVjNzM1MzI4&hl=en_US
This was funny–a little out of control, perhaps, even by that show’s standards.
I really like it. It’s one of my dreams to write for that show. I think it’d be funnier instead of them talking about painting a penis, they were talking
about stuffing. I mostly changed the beginning and the very end. If you’re looking for a writing partner let me know mcgintyl@gmail.com.
Here’s my edit:
CHARLIE (V.O.)
I don’t know man, its looks like the same thing, stuffing is stuffing.
MAC (V.O.)
No, no Charlie, it’s totally different. It’s all about tone. You have to imply size and growth you look like you’re just walking around with a giant erection.
FADE IN:
EXT. STREETS OF PHILADELPHIA
Mac and Charlie walk towards Paddy’s Pub.
CHARLIE
It’s just that my penis isn’t living up to its full potential.
MAC
Dude, that’s because your penis reached it’s full potential at birth.
You got to face the fact that you have a baby-dick. Would you stop
walking around like that, it’s hard not to look at it, just take the
cucumber out of your pants.
CHARLIE
Let’s just walk around and let the ladies be the judge, plus if I ever
want a snack I have fresh cucumber.
MAC
You’re going to get ebola, or some kind of disease.
CHARLIE
Well, maybe there is something around here that would look more natural.
(Charlie exits around street corner, Mac walking notices something in the distance.)
MAC
What the hell is this?
Mac runs up to Paddy’s Pub where he sees three
teenage THUGS spray painting the wall outside the bar.
MA
Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?
THUG 1
What does it look like we’re doing?
MAC
It looks like you are spray painting enormous male genitalia all over our bar.
MAC
(inspects the wall)
Yep, they’re dicks alright.
Thug 2 grabs Mac and pushes him against the wall.
THUG 1
Why don’t you mind your business.
MAC
Hey now, I don’t want any tr-
(Charlie enters scene running carrying a large pipe swinging it widely startling the thugs and Mac, the Thugs are shocked by Charlie’s giant “erection” and his behavior)
CHARLIE:
(fast and incoherently) What the hell are you doing to our wall! Get the hell out of you, beat it beat it beat beat it!
MAC
Holy shit!
(Thugs run off)
INT. PADDY’S PUB – DAY
Dennis, head tilted back, is holding a baggie of ice on a fresh
shiner. Dee works behind the bar.
MAC
What the hell happened to you?
DENNIS
They jumped me.
MAC
The penis painters?
Dennis nods his head.
MAC (CONT’D)
I’ve had it with these assholes! It’s the third time this month they
vandalized this place.
CHARLIE
Yea, I’m sick and tired of trying to turn those spray painted dicks
into happy faces.
DEE
Well I’m sick of having to look at the penis-nosed happy faces every
time I walk into this dump.
DENNIS
You know, maybe we should start a gang of our own and show those
street tuffs who really runs this block.
MAC
I’ve always wanted to gangbang.
DEE
Me too. I just never imagined my first gangbang would be with two
losers and my brother.
MAC
Well, this is our chance to bang, and bang hard.
CHARLIE
Hmmm … our own gang.
MAC
Yes, our own gang.
DENNIS
It’s settled. We’re banging.
(Charlie grabs into his pants and takes a bit of his cucumber)
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
TITLE: IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
TITLE: THE GANG ATTEMPTS TO BANG
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hahaha… hahahahaha.. i would watch it.
Read the entire script and thought it was awesome. The characters tone and actions suited each of them and I thought the whole idea was really funny. Great work.